Part 4 – Death, His Steed & That Funny Greek Alphabet


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Exam time, as strange as this may sound, is often one of the best times as a student. This is simply because you can justify, legitimately or not, deprioritising every single responsibility you have in favour of studying.

  • Am I eating too much junk food? Who cares, need to study.
  • Should we do the washing up since the dishes have now reached a state that resembles a putrid game of Jenga? Nope, don’t have time, must study.
  • Should I care that a horde of Genghis Khan’s Mongol warriors has arrived through some portal in time and space in my kitchen? Not important, the Second Law of Thermodynamics on the other hand…

This is because, as a student, there are only two real responsibilities.

  1.   Don’t get into so much debt that you, or a kind parent, has to sell a kidney to regain financial liquidity
  2.   Don’t fail

This is one of the reasons that being a student is so good. If you were to graphically plot responsibility and independence against time one would decrease, the other increase. And that perfect intersection when life is easiest would be the time when you’re a student. Apologies for the mathematical analogy, a further example of how studying has turned my brain into a thick mathematical soup of graphs and that funny Greek alphabet…

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I have extra pressure on my exams this year. Mainly that my exchange place at a Singaporean university depends on my passing everything. In tandem with circa £2000 worth of plane tickets to and from Singapore twice, already purchased. Failure is not an option, meaning that I have even more reason to become a study monster than usual and relegate all other non-essential responsibilities.

Saying this, one household task has emerged recently, that even we, as a flat, cannot ignore.

Cleaning the oven, a task for no mortal man.

Staring into it is to stare into a frightening, black, chemical abyss. We fear the grease may have gained sentience. Thankfully we have a champion equal to this Herculean task, the world’s most frightening oven cleaner. A succinct summary of the advice on the back: “Extremely flammable, causes severe burns, may damage the respiratory system, extremely corrosive, wear protective clothing while administering”

I’m fully expecting Death himself to come charging out of the can on his Steed of Darkness whenever we use it, it sounds that evil.  So if this is my last post, rest assured that Death himself has probably taken my soul as an evil trophy for his mantelpiece or a gift for mother’s day. Or, more likely, we forgot to turn the oven off before using “extremely flammable” oven cleaner…


5 thoughts on “Part 4 – Death, His Steed & That Funny Greek Alphabet

  1. fakenote says:

    This won’t help. But good luck with the final.

  2. If you blow up Graham while you’re at it, my beard will come over there to avenge him. You have been warned!

  3. Oh, man. You may be way to smart for me. But this is funny and deep stuff.

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