Since I left you last the manky monstrosity of our oven has been somewhat rectified. The following is an account of part of the titanic struggle that will one day pass into legends of antiquity.
Firstly, do you remember PokéMon? If you do not, then kindly proceed to Option 1. If even the mention of PokéMon subjects you to a euphoric invasion of nostalgia then read on to Option 2.
If you do, do Muk and Grimer awaken childhood memories? Yes? Well this is how it went…
A wild MUK appeared!
MUK used SLUDGE!
It wasn’t very effective!
GRAHAM used CLEANING PRODUCTS!
It was super effective!
MUK used POISON GAS!
But it failed!
GRAHAM used DISPOSAL!
It was super effective!
GRAHAM reached Level 41! What? GRAHAM is evolving!
*cheesy and repetitive Japanese game music*
Congratulations! Your GRAHAM evolved into AN EVEN FILTHIER BEING THAN HE ALREADY WAS!
Oh PokéMon games and their one dimensional punctuation…
With part of that gargantuan task complete I’ve decided to take the train back to Elgin for a last visit home before going abroad. The only thing more predictable than Scotrail’s (Read: ScotFail’s) atronomical beverage overpricing and grumpy, soulless staff on the trip was my meeting of a weirdo. I’m not sure whether during the last couple of years, due to government austerity measures, if the Glasgow to Elgin train line has been transformed into a looney bin on rails or not but I always seem to meet some colourful characters on the locomotive.
- The Earl of Thurso’s son, with whom, from all the kingdom of beverages, I drunk Buckfast.
- An American actress who had a tiny part in the film “The Day After Tomorrow”
- A woman whose great-grandfather in Paris had water poured over his head by Marie Curie, the Nobel Prize winner
- An American whose father invented the plastic formica
Anyway today’s character was an American from Minnesota named Brie. Yes, like the cheese. However, after having an ex whose first names were Panacea and Reality I would probably have been rendered incapable of feeling any surprise even if she’d introduced herself as Duchess Pippington Dustbin Childtoucher. She also had a pet llama. So I spent my journey learning about llamas. Standard.
Makes you realise how practically everyone in the world has some strange story or claim to fame. Not surprisingly considering how often we interact with people on a daily basis. It’s just a statistical outcome that we’ll meet these people. Everyone has a tale to tell, if you’re prepared to excavate their consciousness a little. So, my advice to all of you, next time you’re on the train talk to that person across from you, they may well be most interesting person you’ll ever meet*.
Mr Andrew Milne takes no responsibility if the character’s “interesting” trait turns out be that they are: a murderer; terrorist; molester etc.